Jesus, my first Love!

Return to your first love


John 15:16 You did not choose me, but I CHOSE YOU and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
And this is why i worship You. And this is why i keep trying. And this is why when i fall i get back up again. And this is why when i try to run away, something keeps pulling back in Your direction. I stamped, I am chosen, i am yours. Part 1


Back to Basics: Fasting and Praying

Testimony:I say this not to boast but for you to realize or awaken in you to the mighty powerful God we serve when we are at His mercy. “but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.” – Jeremiah 9:24

Taking it back to the simpleness of serving Him. When chaos and confusion is around, when i felt like giving up, when i just didnt understand, then i fell hard and till this day my right knee still hurts, the car kept breaking down, more chaos, a sense of feeling defeated and hopeless. When i thought all my resources were exhausted, He said to me FAST until I tell you to stop. I said ok, but You be my alarm clock.(always have been this way with Him) and He doesn’t hesitate to be my alarm clock(i find this very endearing) 4 am, 5 am or 6am. He woke me up and all i could do is smile and be obedient. I went in with a purpose, everyday was a different experience. These intimate moments with Him have awaken in me a love like no other, A passion to do His will, a desperation of knowing Him and realizing I can’t do anything with out Him. My flesh has been submitted and my spirit is being fed. My relationship with God has become a two way street. My marriage is different. He has placed amazing people in my life. my spiritual walk has been strengthened and even though I went in for a specific request and I know the answer is coming, He has been blessing me in other ways. 

For instance: i received a phone call that brought me to the floor in great humbleness and gratefulness. When i felt the Holy Spirit say, for being obedient, I will take care of the rest. HOW can i not fall, curl up and cry. Seeing God answer one of my many petitions and showing me He is pleased, its very very very humbling. The manifestation of His attention to my cry is simply worth exalting, worth praising and worth speaking about. 

We serve a mighty POWERFUL God. A God who listens, a God who loves His children, a God who stills sits on His throne willing and wanting to bless us. We just have to do our part… going back to the basics: fasting and praying. The men in the Old Testament lived by this and it continued in the New Testament.  

We have the tools but are just too lazy or think we can do it on our own. 

Joel 2:12 “Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;

Are you Lot’s Wife?

Genesis 19:26 But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.Why is it that we like to look back? Why is it that we cant let go? Why is it we cant move forward? What are you holding on to? LET GO!!!!! DONT LOOK BACK, THERE IS NOTHING GOOD THERE!!! If God took you out, if God called you out, Than why cant you TRUST HIM? Why cant you walk by FAITH and trust that He has the best interest for you? Some of you are like Lots wife stagnant, a statue, stuck in the position of looking back. Paralyzed by fear, consumed with past hurt, afraid of the future, what will people say, frozen in a time of agony. MOOOOOOOOVE in the name of Jesus!! Move forward.. Take the step. Break free. Be OBEDIENT. It can only get better with Jesus.

Father i ask you today for all those people who are stuck, who want to serve you, who want to move forward but cant do it alone. I intercede and i ask you to clothe them with strength and boldness. All fear, all uncertainty, all pain, all doubts replace it with peace and most of all YOUR unfailing love. Like your word says in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” We trust in you Lord and your word. we thank you because it is done, In Jesus name Amen. 

His perfect timing

Acts16:18She kept this up for many days. Finally Paul became so annoyed that he turned around and said to the spirit, “In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to come out of her!” At that moment the spirit left her.

  • Why didnt he rebuke her as soon as he saw her coming? Paul knew what it was. Paul had discernment, but Paul also waited on God. After a FEW DAYS he finally rebuked her. Powerful message on how we should wait on God cause HIS timing is ALWAYS perfect. 

Pray for the elderly

My church went to visit an elderly home and this was my experience.

River of Life Outreach and Evangelism team. (I sneaked in..jiji)

The history in this room, i couldnt wait to hear, what they wanted to share. 

I met uncle john a 92 year old man who worked for GSP tolls for 21 years, independent until 3 years ago had a stroke and now he is here. I made him laugh and saw life come into his green eyes. His whole face changed. he said he has his good and bad days but bad days are the worst….He is alone.. 

Met Rog, i prayed for his eyes.. Blind for 11 years. I told him I believe in a God of miracles and he said “i will see again one day.” 

Met Esperanza after the prayer, she was crying, I asked to hug her and she said yes please and i just held her, telling her how she was fearfully and wonderfully made, how precious and beautiful she is. All she said through her sobs was “thank you thank you.

 Met Carmen, i was drawn to her from the beginning. Very Quiet, not attentive, she seemed like she was far. I caressed her back, touched her hair and she would stay so still. I knew she was receptive. All I thought was, when was the last time she received just a simple touch …. affection. Out of nowhere she starts speaking you can’t understand, but she is saying something. The nurse tells me that is so weird, she NEVER talks. I just smile. They ask one last time who needs prayer and she screams ME.. I looked at the nurse and she is amazed and teary eyed. I go pray for Carmen, when i am done the music is still playing and i whisper in her ear, canta carmen and she repeats”canta” my heart leaped and i couldnt stop crying. What love, affection and attention can do.

Prayed for Mary the nurse, this is one of the hardest jobs you can have. In an atmosphere so tense, sad and overwhelming, you lose sight of who you are, you lose hope and what you are capable of doing. She was overjoyed and strengthened. You could see the light in her face again. 

What an amazing experience. This is what we are called to do. I share this to encourage you to join us next month. Invest time in people, its the best feeling you could have. 

Go for it, no matter what

Even when others say you cant do it: Proudest accomplishment, Graduating from 3 years of Bible Institute. (2003-2006)August 2003 I had an encounter( impactful testimony)with God that marked my life forever. September 2003 I wanted to go to Bible Institute, was told by someone “TOO EARLY”, you just started.(first blow) Me being who I am.. I went for it. First day of school, i was nervous and excited. I put on my uniform, with my new shoes and BIBLE in hand, looked at myself in the mirror and I didnt see that lost and confused woman but a woman of God. I was so happy. Now what im about to write some might say, you could of left that out but No, it was my journey, what molded my character, what has transformed me to love no matter what and taught Me Not to look at man. 
Not everyone is pleasant at church. Hey no one is perfect and we all are in a process, but if we want to get real, Jesus had Judas in his inner circle. So, as im walking towards the school i see some ladies sitting, so i say “hi God bless you” all I get is a dry hello and as im walking away i hear them whisper “we always get one of those” (2nd blow) i was so in shock, I froze. My flesh was ready to turn around, my mind went in circles trying to understand what they meant, my eyes raced to see what they saw and when i was about to confront them the Holy Spirit said “go and pray for them”. I went silently to my class, kneeled down and prayed. My first act of obedience. It didnt stop me it just reassured me, somehow it encouraged me…. I am where God wants me to be and somebody is mad. 
I have to say the first year was the hardest. It was a purging process. My relationship ended, I lost “friends”, my social life was non existent. I was basically alone for the first year(at least it felt that way for someone who was always partying) I felt like I was at bootcamp, away from my life.. My body, mind and soul was in a process of detox. Insomnia became my best friend, yet I went to work, than either church(which the services were Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday) or bible school(Mondays and Wednesdays) . The battles I went through in that apartment, I remember them so vividly. Moments of desperation, crying hysterically for relief of what my soul and body were feeling. My only comfort was the Bible, Many times I would cry and fall asleep hugging it. Had many amazing moments with God in that apartment. I learned to lean on Him. It was the hardest yet it was closest I felt to God. It was that first year of bible institute that helped me, while I was being purged, the word of God was filling me. My mind was busy with the word, I was busy in church. Church and Bible Institute were exactly what I needed at that moment in my life. Kept me away from who I was used to being. 
I Could write so much about that first year and I will. Writing and reliving it reminds me of how amazing, merciful and patient God has been to me and how selfish I can be sometimes. Now with all that said, I have many great memories and moments from the school. My favorite moments: when the Holy Spirit would start moving in one class and before you knew it, the whole school was united in one spirit and class, well, the Holy Spirit taught us that night. 

Let no one or anything stop you from fulfilling your purpose in God. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (my bible school theme verse) 

At the end of my 3rd year, God gave me a gift: my hubby

My crave room

Psalms 119:28 My soul melts from heaviness

My crave room. In the start of my journey with this walk again. I asked God, please let this be different, i dont want to be a christian yo-yo, a rotating door. I have so much emotional baggage. People are looking at me, questioning my walk. I want to be able to represent You, the right way. BREAK ME DOWN and make me new and He answered: lock yourself away. The first day I went into my closet, i couldn’t pray, I felt weird, I said is this normal? Does anyone else do this? So all i did was worship and praised His name for 15 minutes and I was out. The next day the same thing over and over until words and full prayer was coming out of my mouth.15 Minutes turned into half hour to hours. For 2 months i was confronted and was being broken down. My sins had caught up to me. I was in a season of battle. In a private silent war, that no one could help me. It was the most painful heart breaking wonderful loving experience i have ever had. I would love to share but that will be a whole lots of reading. But this room has been for me getting to know God, His way and getting to know me in Him. Now the room has become my crave room. The room where i go when im not satisfied. The room where i go to plead. The room to feel His presence. The room of answers and direction. The room where i am outraged. A room where He feels my love. The room where i scream. The Room where i cry till im in severe anguish. The room where i feel His Love. The room where i am happy. The room where im silent. The room where I read His word. The room where i am broken. The room i dont want to leave. The room where i feel peace. The room where it’s just Him and i. 

I don’t glorify this room or make it an altar. Its my secure place, away from the noise, away from everything. Its my resting place.

Mindset of 2012, Mindset of 2015 


Can I share something personal: In my christian walk….People have hurt me, let me down, talked about me, used me, others tried to defame my character all actions that made me bitter. angry and even become so closed up, i wanted nothing to do with church. For what?? my friends in the outside world treated me better..We all know that in any life event this may happen..but it hurts more when it comes from people who say they LOVE God but yet dont know exactly what that word entails, speak about transparency yet you need a saw to cut down the layers of hypocrisy, act HOLY but in their moment of solitude, their true self comes out. so many other things i could say….but im So tired of many souls out here in limbo land hurting over the same things. when are we going to get it straight?? Not one church is perfect we all know this..people say dont look at the man…true..but when it is those people who tainted your do you overcome and trust again? Let go and let God…simple right..yet sooooooo hard to do….we dont let go because, somehow WE want justice…letting go only means that we let go without anyone paying for the damage they occur..Unsettled business..thats how i feel…to be continued 

Wrote that  in 2012 and this is what i think now:
Excuses, excuses, excuses!!! 

Playing the victim card. My heart and passion was not in it anymore. I was looking at man to give me an excuse to walk out.

If you want to serve God nothing in this world will stop you. Its about a relationship with Him. The hypocrisy part: They are EVERYWHERE, even at work so does that mean i wont

Go to work. The unfinished business part: im letting God handle that while i take care of my spiritual life..

Great level of submission and obedience

When God has an assignment for you, you cant just hang with everyone! 

Something i am learning and sometimes very hard to accept. I was reading the Bible story of the “friendship” of Saul and David. Amazed on how Saul presented himself in front of David but behind his back, Saul wanted David dead. How many times Saul went out looking to kill him and always failed. Yet how many chances David got to kill him, yet spared his life. David went out wherever Saul sent him, and behaved wisely: David was fully submitted to Saul and sought to serve him wisely in every way. David knew the way to be blessed. Taught me a lesson, not everyone who is singing you praises are for you, not everyone in the group will agree with you, but you still need to remain humble and loving and allow God to work in them. Long suffering is word. Like my hubby added great level of obedience and submission. 

Love on your Sauls.

3 questions? 

Great bible class today… Started of with a powerful prayer. 

How is the church of today? 

Are we in Gods plans?

What can we do as individuals and as a group? 

Prayer and fasting, be Committed to God and to the church, fellowship, conviction and a relationship with God

One that stuck out to me was conviction. We need a church that as soon as you step in your convicted. A church where Gods presences is so tangible, you can’t help but fall on your knees. A church where miracles occur. A church where God sits on His throne and says “i am pleased” But it starts with us. It starts with being obedient to God and obedient to the church. 

But nobody wants that, because that requires sacrifice, dedication, commitment and confrontation of oneself. 

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.